Chapter 1 Part 1 Online Dating: Harry Peters Getting to Know Each Other

Author's Note: Two years after my divorce, my 76-year-old stepmother convinced me to set up a couple online dating accounts. Imagine getting advice from your parent about online dating! LOL Harry Peters was my first online dating experience. Below are some of the actual transcripts  that highlight this encounter. Edited only to enhance readability. 

Harry: Hello dear! It's Harry.

Harry • Jan 27, 2021, 2:06 PM

ME: Hi Harry, your dating profile says, Kongseng?

Harry: Yea that's my other name.

I born in Laos and Kongseng was the name I was called.

But when me and my mother moved to the states after my dad divorced her, she changed my name.

So you can call me Harry or Kongseng.

So what are you doing right now?

ME: I am on my boat trying to make the job of working on report cards feel not quite so bad. It is cold but partly cloudy here. What are you doing?

Harry: Oh, I just finished having dinner.

It's kind of late here.

What's the time over there?

ME: It is a little after 3 pm. I am officially off work at 3:30 and have decided I will not work too hard after that. I work hard, but I also like to play hard. Balance.

Harry: Can I ask you a question?

ME: Sure

Harry: Okay. Are you a jealous woman if I may ask?

ME: No, I have always felt that if something is meant to be it will. Even in the past with situations with my ex that might have caused someone to act in a jealous manner, I have never reacted from that viewpoint.

Harry: That's nice.

I am filled of jealousy, I will not love to see my wife hanging around with another man, people do say jealousy does not matter in a relationship, but I see it to as my first point, because it makes me secure my family.

Okay you can tell me as a bedtime story 😂

ME: Okay, my favorite stories about one of my daughters (the one who doesn't talk to me.) Once I special ordered a plum sofa. My daughter and her friends decided it was a sure sign I was going through my mid-life crisis! Unfortunately, that was almost 20 years ago. Lol Watching soccer and football was something her and I used to do together.

She used to tell this story: At our house on Thanksgiving, it was the men in the kitchen cooking and the women were in the living room watching the football.

Tell me about you?

Jan 28, 1:15 PM

Harry: You have a nice family.

ME: For the most part. However, my ex is a drug addict and that put us all through a lot. My ex appreciated me. However, the drug abuse became so bad that I had to leave for my own safety. Drugs were more important than his family.

Harry: Well, I'm a civil engineer and I work in INTERSERVE PLC as a contractor.
I was married for 20 years before my wife and I got divorced and she left with our children 2 boys.

And after my wife and I divorced I haven't been in any relationship since then it was a friend of mine that advise me to go out and search for a woman to be with.

What about you, what's your profession?

ME: Oh, so sorry about that.

You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you.

I am a 2nd grade teacher and I love my job even though I never imagined doing it this way (using Zoom.)

Harry: For how long have you been teaching?

ME: This is my 26th year and I am really hoping to do 10 more. How long have you been an engineer?

Harry: That's very bad.

Have been an engineer for 30 years now.

And I'm a senior supervisor in my company.

What is your idea of a romantic evening?

Mine are Both cooking together in the kitchen, sharing the fun and the work, laughing, talking, and then settling down together to eat in quiet, maybe some candles, soft music. I love togetherness, the more together, the more I fall in love.

ME: I love the idea of cooking together.

I also find long walks very romantic.

Harry: Yea that's very sweet.

Would love to have a walk on the beach with you Deb!

ME: One of my favorite activities is walking. Lately though, I spend a lot of time walking around the marina.

Harry: Oh really?

ME: My stepmother was the one who encouraged me to try online dating. I lost both of my parents and a sister in the last couple of years. Are your parents still around?

Harry: No, my parents got divorced when I was growing up and then my mother and I moved to Washington.

But my mother passed away 4 years ago.

When you are together with husband, how often do you like to make love?

ME: once or twice a week.

Me: A photo I took last night.

(See Ship in Harbor below)

Harry: It's very beautiful!

So, what are you doing now?

Me: Well . . . I am still working on report cards on my boat and watching some of the clouds burn off.

Did you live in Loas very long? 

(Author’s Note: My dad whom I was very close to served in the army during the late 50’s where he was stationed in Cambodia and Laos. So, I am fascinated by this area, and this is something on Harry’s profile that intrigued me.)

Harry: Not too long I was 5years old when I left with my mother.

Are you picky about how your man behaves in public?

Me: No

Well. . . No, as long as, he treats others kindly and respectfully.

Harry: That's acceptable.

Do you prefer a quiet demeanor or someone who is outgoing and friendly? I appreciate a woman that is confident and not particularly shy in public that is willing to speak up and say what’s on her mind, although not being rude, or discourteous, also friendly to strangers, and not embarrassed if I speak to other people that we may or may not know…

ME: I am quite independent. I am also very confident. I talk/teach in front of others. I always speak what is on my mind. I am very honest. My ex said that he thinks I might be the most honest person on the planet.

Harry: That's really nice of you.

How would your friends describe you?

ME: Also, I appreciate that it doesn't seem to bother you when I mention my ex? I have no intention of erasing the last 42 years of my life and pretending it didn't happen.

My friends would also describe me first and foremost as honest. I stand up for people and issues I believe in. I also have a lot of empathy and compassion. How would your friends describe you?

Harry: It's alright my dear, I'm willing to accept you the way you are and I'm not one to judge people's past. Everyone has their past it's what make them who they are.

ME: I actually like who I am!

I am a very happy and optimistic person.

Do you like boats?

Harry: Yes

ME: Have you ever had one?

Harry: Do you like to grocery shop? Cook?

ME: Yes

I love going grocery shopping with someone when we are going to cook together. I also like going antique shopping. Not just to buy antiques, but as a way to get in some walking and be reminded of things from the past.

Harry: If you are in a relationship, and live together, how do you view the bills? Are they separated? Or combined?

ME: Okay so I will never be married again. In lots of ways, I am surprised that I ever got married. And I am not sure I will ever live with someone. I love my space!

I also have some residual issues related to my ex that cause me to wonder if I will ever be able to sleep under the same roof with any man other than my son.

Harry: I would like to think that the bills in part would be combined, I always did the accounting in the relationship.

Are you physically loving when you are with a man? Hold hands, Hugs in Public?

ME: I was also the accountant in the relationship. I don't see myself combining finances. At this stage of my life, I try to see what money I have benefit my children while I am still here to see it. Also, I was left with all the debt after my divorce. Drug addicts don't pay bills.

I am OK to hug, hold hands and even kiss in public.

If I am walking next to someone I love, I want to be holding their hand.

Harry: Yes

Holding hands together when sleeping.

I love to hold hands, I think it shows unity, and it also is a comfort, that the person you are holding hands with is there for you, emotionally and physically. In private I love to fool around, goof off, and carry on. A shaving cream fight is fun as all get out, and I love laughing, giggling.

Do you respect the man you are with? Do you ever downgrade or make fun of him?

ME: So, at this point you have learned most of the things that have caused most other men I have chatted/talked with to decide to not continue to talk with me?

I never make fun of or downgrade anyone. I treat others the way I want to be treated. I am not okay with solving issues with loud voices or violent outbursts.

I am also okay with playful fun like shaving cream. But not degrading.

(Author’s Note: this is a good time to insert that even though I am writing from my perspective and trying to find the humor is this modern world of dating in which we live, I hope that none of my comments or writing will be construed as degrading. If at any time my stories begin to reflect that, please enlighten me.)

Harry: I would like to be able to respect the woman I end up with, I like for a woman to be strong and yet, able to express her softer side. I do tend to poke fun at times, but when I think something will make people laugh, I usually tell it all.

Do you like children? Other people’s children?

ME: I love laughter! It really is the best medicine. And I love children/other people's children for a living.

Being a mother is one of the most important parts of my life. Even though I haven't always done so well at it.

Harry: I love kids, when a toddler giggles, I giggle, I can’t help it, to hear that from a baby or small child is a wonderful thing. I love to jump in and play with the kids, but I do realize there's a time and place for everything. So it depends on the situation.

ME: I love babies/toddlers. I don't think I am going to get to be a grandparent. My children have decided to not be parents. Their choice!

Harry: Are you a jealous woman?

ME:I  am simple and I just want to be myself sharing my stories with someone special and I want to hear all that person's stories as well.

You already asked me that. No, I have never been jealous because I will always be honest with what I am thinking. You will always know my boundaries. You won't have to guess.

Harry: Am filled of jealousy, I will not love to see my wife hanging around with another man, people do say jealousy does not matter in a relationship, but I see it to as my first point, because it makes me secure my family.

Trust, loyalty, and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone, if you don't have these ingredients, you will never succeed.

ME: I am not a jealous person because I live in the moment. I do my best to make every moment count and if something is meant to be, it will be.

I am okay to see someone I love with someone else. I just want it to be honest and upfront. My ex strayed in our relationship. I never did. Honesty and trust mean too much to me. I am okay if someone I am with wants to be with someone else. I will always tell whoever I am with my intentions.

Author's Note: Stay Tuned for More Dating in Your 60’s: What Your Mother Never Told You

Next Episode: Chapter 1 Part 2 Harry and I Still Getting to Know Each Other